I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed.
'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.' 

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?' 

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.  After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' .  
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.  'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you, Party with friends, drive fast cars, travel alot,or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said,...  'Then, why do you even give a shit?

Who is Ed Freeman you say? Well, read and find out.

Missing from the news....

You're a 19 year old kid, critically wounded, and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley, November the 14th, 1965, LZ Xray, Vietnam.

Your infantry unit is outnumbered eight to one, and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own infantry commander has ordered the medi-vac helicopters to stop coming in.

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're not getting out.

Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again.

As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is 'the' day.

Then, over the machine gun noise, you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter, and you look up to see an un-armed EH-1 Huey.  It doesn't seem real, because there are no medi-vac markings on it.

Ed Freeman is coming for you.

He's not medi-vac, so it's not his job, but he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire, after the medi-vacs were told not to come.

He's coming anyway.

Ed drops in and sits there in the machine gun fire as they load 2 or 3 of you on board.  Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire, to the waiting doctors and nurses.

Ed kept coming back, and he kept coming back, and he kept coming back.................13 more times.....and took over 30 of you and your buddies out, who otherwise would NEVER gotten out.

Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Ed Freeman died this past September 26th, in Boise, ID, at the age of 80.

May God rest his soul.

Oh yeah................Paul Newman died that day, too.  I guess you knew that.  He got a lot more press than Ed Freeman.

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I! should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX
A mother calls 000 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

A wife was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, it told him he would now need to enter a password... Something he would use to log-on. Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would go for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in: P...E...N...I...S... His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied ***PASSWORD INVALID............NOT LONG ENOUGH***

 
It was the first day of a new school year. Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy "Why are you tardy," the boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill" the teacher said "Take your seat." She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied. Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer. As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in. "Let me guess", said the teacher. "You where on Blueberry Hill aslo" "NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl.

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blond says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant. Thinking fast she replied "food on the table". Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean. Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest". Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed". That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring. He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule.

Hi Everyone! I hope that everyone has had a good summer and their fall is going great. Well, the election is finally over and we have a new president. I am sooo glad that it is over and we have a new asshole to lead us to the promise land. What a fucking crock of shit. He will be just like all of the other pass assholes that promised us everything and gave us nothing. I wish our new president all the luck in the world. This past election season I have stated before that I didn't like either of the two finalist in the head dick in charge contest. Now the uninformed voice of America has spoken. God help us all.

Irregardless of that, I am thankful to live in a country in which I can freely call the leader of our county a dickhead and asshole. Ain't america great? This past summer I made a trip north from Louisiana to Montana. It was a wonderful trip. I did miss Sturgis though. I showed up a couple of weeks too late. Still the country up there is just beautiful. I hit a bunch of states on the trip, Mississippi, Tennessee, Missouri, Iowa, South Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas and finally back home to Louisiana. I can't wait to make it again hopefully on my motorcycle next time.

I am trying something new here. I haven't blogged here in a long time. There has been some changes made here since I first logged onto it so if you see some strange shit, don't worry, just me experimenting.

I'm out of here right now. Y'all have a great day.

Earl